Moving Day Part I (Probably an Eleventy Billion Part Series)

Today I got all my stuff from a storage building to new home. I drove a moving truck. Two students helped me. It was a tiring, but beautiful day. I enjoy spending time with students outside of the classroom.

I also, finally, put in that CD that another one of my students made as part of a poetry project. I wish I'd slowed down and listened to it in October, when he submitted the project.

The CD had two songs (all songs were great) that describe my place right now.

1. Akon-"Ghetto"-http://www.elyrics.net/read/a/akon-lyrics/ghetto-lyrics.html

"These streets remind me of quicksand (quicksand)
When your on it you'll keep goin down (goin down)
And there's noone to hold on too
And there's noone to pull you out
You keep on fallin (falling)
And noone can here you callin
So you end up self destructing"

"No need to cherish luxuries (cause everythin' come and go)
Even the life that you have is borrowed(Cause your not promised tomorrow)
So live your life as if everydays' gon be your last
Once you move forward can't go back
Best prepare to remove your past
Cause ya gotta be willin to pray
Yea
There gotta be (there gotta be) a better way oh
Yea ya gotta be willing to pray
Cause there gotta be (there gotta be) a better day"

2. Tupac-"Dear Mama"-http://www.lyricsandsongs.com/song/16341.html

"When things went wrong
we'd blame mama
I reminice on the stress I caused,
it was hell
Huggin on my mama from a jail cell
And who'd think in elementary?
Heeey! I see the penitentiary, one day"

"I finally understand for a woman
it ain't easy tryin to raise a man
You always was committed
A poor single mother on welfare,
tell me how ya did it
There's no way I can pay you back
But the plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated"

"And never left me alone because you cared for me
And I could see you comin home after work late
You're in the kitchen tryin to fix us a hot plate
Ya just workin with the scraps you was given
And mama made miracles every Thanksgivin
But now the road got rough, you're alone
You're tryin to raise two bad kids on your own
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated"

"I can always depend on my mama
And when it seems that I'm hopeless
You say the words that can get me back in focus
When I was sick as a little kid
To keep me happy there's no limit to the things you did
And all my childhood memories
Are full of all the sweet things you did for me
And even though I act craaazy
I gotta thank the Lord that you made me
There are no words that can express how I feel
You never kept a secret, always stayed real
And I appreciate, how you raised me
And all the extra love that you gave me
I wish I could take the pain away
If you can make it through the night there's a brighter day
Everything will be alright if ya hold on
It's a struggle everyday, gotta roll on
And there's no way I can pay you back
But my plan is to show you that I understand
You are appreciated"


Little known fact about being a teacher: they teach us as much as we teach them. Students, who have endured more pain and family problems and health problems and so much more than we will ever truly know, will spend a summer day to help their teacher move. Students will write essays and stories that expand my understanding of a world beyond my own. Students will give me music that makes me think. Students will "big brother" my son at club meetings, and they will include him, in fact encourage him, to join a media literacy project or step dance.

"Today was a good day."

Sense of Place and How I Must Leave Fondren

Fondren is my people. Sitting on the porch reading Myrlie Ever's "For Us, the Living." (fyi...she wrote at the age of 34. 4 years after her husband's death; he died when she was 30. Grateful for the strength, truth and hope right now.) People are walking dogs, and they smile and wave. A truck drives by playing "50 Ways to Leave Your Lover."

But now I'm moving again, and checking yet another one of those huge life stress box items therapists and such have you identify on intake forms.

Found this looking for some freelance writing opportunities this week:

http://www.commonties.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/flashback.jpg

From this website (postsecret style):

http://www.commonties.com/

Answer the "20 Questions" and you could get some cash if chosen. I won't tell you if and when I am :)

Monkey is Da Truth

I may have spelled that wrong.

We've camped where we had countless moments that will be in the book. One example: we fished together off the pier with one pole and a cricket. We caught a fish.

As an aside, I've been really employing what I remember of my grandmother these last few weeks. It's been great having my son around when I'm in "teacher" mode. It's been great for him too.

We've worked and taken care of business, much like I am usually doing every day. Summer break for teachers? HA.

We've worked with young folks and a summer project. He said he could do this "work" all day (as he was totally sitting next to the Princeton student), and Monkey is, as always, brilliant. He learned research skills and had lots of laughs.

Tonight we are going to see these guys (hope these specific guys are there):



Who are with Step Afrika , the first professional company dedicated to stepping with spoken word:



And can be found at this website:

http://www.stepafrika.org/021808/home.htm

Jackson State Rose E. McCoy Theatre tonight at 7pm. You can get tickets at the door.

First ever Jackson, MS performance. Presented by SRBWI'S Unita Blackwell Young Women's Leadership Institute which you can read about here:

http://www.srbwi.org/programs_unita_blackwell.html

And this is Unita Blackwell:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Unita_Blackwell_Wright

I am so glad he is here, and I'm so glad he's enjoying it. I swear, I thought I was going to have to drag him from the library today. We can't wait to research some more.

The One Where I Update the Only Way I Can :)

Only to refer you to this description of where I've "been" this year, even though I'm not "first year." (but I think after ten years, it does count as first year....)

Over the year, I've discovered the blogs of Mississippi Teacher Corps teachers. MTC is a two-year program, and one of only three alternate route programs in Mississippi, that is a lot like "Teach for America," but also very focused on Mississippi.

These are two quotes, from two random mtc'ers, that in no way, shape or form can convey to you, or anyone, the reality of teaching and teacher burn out where I am personally and where our "education system" is in reality of the "teacher shortage".

Both of these come from the advice to the students coming into the program and/or teaching profession and how to "prepare."

Author names, locations, etc. not included, but both attributed to MTC and/or the "teacher crazy." A special wink to anyone I know in any way related to my school, people I've met this year and people I'll see in August.

"First and foremost, you are crazy. Not few eggs short of an omelette crazy. We're talking about Hunter S. Thompson tripping on LSD in the Arizona desert crazy. Hillary Clinton remaining in the Democratic primary, despite not having a snowball's chance in the 5th circle of hell according the delegate count crazy. Starting a petition to get Carmichael's birthday made a national holiday in Neshoba County crazy. Mike Tyson crazy."

"To say that it has been "the hardest experience of my life" does not convey the magnitude of something more emotionally challenging than losing my mother, more physically challenging than a summer of full-time ice hockey camps, more socially challenging than middle school, and more mentally challenging than 40 back-to-back weeks of college finals."

This blog has been neglected. It may or may not be for a long time as I have been, and still am, going a different direction both professionally and personally.

Where I am as a professional and a person when I began this blog is so far away and different from where I started. The core audience is still a little bit there, and there may (or may not) be potential for a different audience.

I've considered splitting the "teacher" Emily and the "writer" Emily, but that decision is not a priority on my list. So for the moment, however I am able to define moment at this point, this blog is what it is, as much as I hate that cliche'.

All that to say.....

1. If you are new here, welcome :) I hardly update, so you'll want to subscribe.

2. To my "regulars" or "fans" (as Casey Parks put back in the day....way back in the day....in a way that makes me feel old and a little nostalgic...), thank you for sticking it out and I'm still very much a "writer." Thanks for dropping by even as the "writer" has evolved from the Chick columnist to the Braden columnist to the fun feature stories and all the other places both high, middle, low and indescribable :) I've appreciated the commitment! Being a "writer" is still my fulfilled childhood dream, and I appreciate the experience, meeting people and all the things that it's involved.

And for old time's sake and for me personally to not forget where I came from...the very first "publish."

http://www.jacksonfreepress.com/more.php?id=A4061_0_7_0_M

That spirit is still there no matter how much life has changed :)

A Full Page of Things to Do....

And one is to update my blog. So here :)

Courtesy of Teach for America

"You sent me a post card
From your European vacation
That you got for graduation
When you arrived in Portugal.

I get it in my mailbox
At 6:50 to a school bus
Lugging a thousand pounds
Of books and hopes
Of Do Now dreams
Of future things
That I now fight for my students to own.
In my bag
Lugging now with me
A thousand pounds of fears and worries
Of urgency and a step that’s hurried
Because time is now more precious kept
Than it has ever been.

“I
Wish
You
Were
Here.”

I gaze off into sandy beaches
Of the world’s farther reaches
Wondering what that life teaches
And thinking to myself-
No.
No.
I wish you were here.
I wish you were here
So you could see
Around the closed doors
And closed eyes
That make my students compromise
Dreams that many of usTook for granted
Dreams that many of us were handed
Gift wrapped
Poverty slapped
Lacking for books,
Not for brains
Worn seams and stains
Walking home alone in the rain
Every single day.

I wish you were here
So you could see
The birth
the worth
the risk to dream
gleam
in the dark
spark
from “I’m stupid”
to
I’m not only smart
but I am ready
to start
I am ready
to start working,
because I’ve got a plan.

That sheepish smile
that says “I get it”
that makes your insides feel
like if you let it
they might just light on fire
with pride
they might just ignite
and you’d glow from the inside out.
oh how
I
wish
you
were
here.

…and I might have been envious
Of your endless summer
But at 5:45
I cannot stop and wonder
What city you are in
Or what things you’ve photographed,
when we see our students map futures
Instead of following maps.
I will no longer wonder
If you are sleeping in
Because the time is now my friends
to begin.

So when people ask us,
What we are doing with our summer
Who we are going to be
What we are going to make
You tell them
With pride my friends
At any dinner party
At any double date
We makeEyes wide
With futures now newly considered
We make minds wide
With potential dreams that defy fate
We make mind’s eyes perceive
Future schemes
That even the grandest of challenges
can no longer negate.
Plans.
Saying always now, “I Can”
Doctors, lawyers, vets, architects-
Together we make
Hope appear.
Oh,
How I wish
You had been here.”

-Jaclyn Suffel
TFA Houston Institute ‘07
Jackson Middle School
Memphis Corps ‘07

I Love This Story

"There once was a young man named Nasreddin who planted a flower garden. But when the flowers came up so did a great crop of dandelions amongthem. Wishing to eliminate the unwanted guests, Nasreddin consulted with gardeners near and far, but none of their solutions worked.

Finally, the young man traveled to the palace of the sheik to seek the wisdom of the royal gardener himself. But unfortunately, he had alreadytried all the methods the royal gardener recommended to him.

Silently they sat together for a good long time. At last, the royal gardener looked at Nasreddin and said: "Well, then, the only thing I cansuggest is that you learn to love them."

Traditional Sufi Story

Why I Work So Much

Well, beyond the obvious...teaching is hard and lots of work.

However, one day this week, and I think it was Thursday, I was so exhausted I could hardly function. Physically, emotionally, mentally and any other -ly exhausted. I did the only thing I could do to survive, and that was decide that we would just read and write for a day. It was a nice day on Mango Street.

Then one student turned his project in early, and he had dedicated it to me. And it is a good project. It fits the vignette style of Mango Street, it revealed great themes in just a few lines and it made me happy.

After that, I left all my work at work and walked out the door. Monkey was here Friday night, and we went to a quiz bowl type thing Saturday morning. He enjoyed clearing the buzzer, and he commented on the element of chaos involved with so many confused people. As usual, the school event started late, and it had me about 45 minutes late dropping Monkey off for his next visitation. I almost drowned in guilt over that one mistake, but then decided not to. Stuff happens. We're all human, and no one can control every moment of his time or our time.

I came home, and I watched movies I'd fallen behind on. I watched Walk the Line again because FX keeps playing it. I read a book. I played with my cat. I called my mom.

I caught up on The Office.

I spent a healthy amount of time lusting after Jim Halpert (I totally cried when he showed the engagement ring he'd gotten Pam one week after dating), a healthy amount of time letting go of some emotion and a healthy amount of time eating. I have not been eating like I should lately. Someone please alert my ass though, since it still looks like I'm an emotional eater :P

I went to sleep very, very early.

Today I did laundry, some dishes and watched Thank You for Smoking again. I tried to watch Lars and the Real Girl, but it put me to sleep. It's going back to Netflix.

I updated my blog. See?

I listened to my iPod for the first time since fall. Here's a sampling:

*In Your Eyes-Peter Gabriel
*The Space Between-Dave Matthews Band
*If I Ever Lose My Faith in You-Sting
*He Thinks He'll Keep Her-Mary Chapin Carpenter
*One-I, of course, prefer the Johnny Cash version. (http://www.lyricsfreak.com/u/u2/one_20141388.html)
*Kid Fears-Indigo Girls
*lots of Juno songs

My stagnant playlist is unacceptable. This weekend reminded me of a weekend two falls ago with rain, a bucket hat and Thacker Mountain Radio. It made me a little sad, and it made me want that one day back.