Sesame Street Doll
Sesame Street Doll
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US $39.99
Sesame Street Doll
Criticism needed on rough draft?
Need some criticism please...if you don't like something please tell me why...if you do like something please tell me why...etc.
Laughter from the corner
Flowing through the house
Bruises and tears
But kisses always made things better
These are the things I remember
A little raggedy doll
Curled up in her pudgy arms
Bedtime stories
And Kisses goodnight
These are the things I can’t forget
Little dresses like sunshine
Smiles that lit up my heart
Her soft hands in mine
When I bent over to dance
These are the things I won’t forget
Her fifth birthday
Sesame street cake and balloons
The one she would never have
The one only in my mind
The things I remember
After my baby girl was taken from me
Okay for starters, add grammer, commas and periods, things like that, and dont capitalize the first word in every line, that screams amateur. In the stanzas with four lines alternate like this:
Laughter from the corner,
flowing through the house,
bruises and tears.
But kisses always made things better.
Also what happened to the girl, you dont have to come out and say it, but leave hints in your poem, if she died an accident on a swing set as an example, mention it, and evolve it as your center piece of imagery. Thats for starters, fix that if you want, repost it and we can go from there. Glad to help!!!
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